The luckiest.

Go figure that nothing in life works out the way you picture perfect planned it in your crazy little mind...I knew that, but did I really know it? It bloody amazes me when life comes around and spanks me, teaches me...

I think a wound is finally healing and that I'm finding some peace about a deep loss...and that loss isn't so lost and surprisingly, pleasantly holds my hand and covers me in love.

How did I feel? I thought, what an ass I was/am. So I got hurt, really hurt and decided to walk...I got hurt and left a friendship...lame, I know...and then I suffered and dreamt about it for years. sometimes "some type of peace" just isn't enough...We both suffered, a great deal I think and for what?

In any case, that peace, her peace took my itty bitty peace and opened the door, brought us face to face, holding hands.

How I used to pray for this moment. God please take this poison out of me and fill my heart with love, help me abandon my pride, help her forgive me for not being there. I lost. we lost moments. 6 years of them. How could I be so selfish?

And there it was, the hug I'd dreamt of for six years...

i'm the luckiest.

Thank you for having no limit to your love.

boy, in life, i've still got a freaking lot to learn...and, I might lack discipline but i dooooooooooo lovvvvvvvvvvvvve to learn!

Amen.


Drops of Jupiter
Train

Now that shes back in the atmosphere
With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that theres time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

Now that shes back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that theres time to grow, hey, hey

Now that shes back in the atmosphere
Im afraid that she might think of me as plain ol jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know youre wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone
Conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the milky way

You are, you really, really are.

...so I resigned from my job today. I was pretty nervous about telling my boss since we're coming into High Holidays. She read my resignation letter and said, wow, you're going to Italy, this is great. we're sad for the loss but this is bigger than us, this is an opportunity for your future...She smiled, told me about when she moved to Israel, how she taught English and how she acclimated to life in Israel...said she'd go back in a heartbeat, in fact, she only came back to Canada because her husband wanted to. Her daughters and son all live far away and sure, she'd love to be closer together, but this is life.


do you have family or those friends that live far, but you see them again and it's like they just got back from a coffee run?

i miss some of my dearest friends everyday and we live in the same city.

were you raised and encouraged to live, i mean really, really live...learning, growing, sharing, being joyous, following your heart and dreams...achieving your goals...

i believe i was.

when you feel sad or lonely because the people you love the most are far away from you, don't you already know that they are loving you with every inch of their being wherever they are in the world and wishing you'd smile the way you do...laugh that way the makes your eyes light up and pick up the phone or a pen or open a computer and let them know you love them back times infiniti.

i read somewhere that you should keep your family and friends within hugging distance...that's ideal, true, but real is not letting your thoughts, memories and feelings toward family/friends fade because they're not right beside you...

I think I can count the number of times that I got to visit my Grandma Anderson and yet she sent me a handwritten note every year of my life since I could read even if we also talked on the phone.

I remember one of my down days in Madrid...I felt so homesick I thought my chest would cave and I didn't want anyone to know or feel bad (especially the family I was living with)...I got ready that morning and then skipped school, got on a bus and roamed around the city all day, by myself. I thought, how selfish was I to leave my Mum all alone for a year. What would she be doing right now (it's clear I didn't have a cell phone or i would have rang up a crap load of charges just to say hi and then she would have kicked my ass through the phone for skipping school).

In the end, the day ended. nobody said anything about me skipping school (miraculously because Belinda would have tore a mean strip off of me had she known), I didn't get to talk to my Mum...I did see a few new areas of Madrid, take a walk through el Parque Retiro, practice my spanish at some news kiosks where I bought a lemon fanta and some candy...and then made it home before my host parents got back from work.

life doesn't stop. and it's ok to feel sad, for whatever reason, but your more loved than you know and everyday that your breathing, walking, fed, safe, it's better to focus on being thankful for your well being and live life doing the best you can as though you were surrounded by your loved ones and setting an example.



"I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich".
~Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford, "Identity Crisis," M*A*S*H

"The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life's essential unfairness".
~Nancy Mitford

"If the family were a fruit, it would be an orange, a circle of sections, held together but separable - each segment distinct".
~Letty Cottin Pogrebin

sometimes we all need a tender conversation like a lullaby.
relax, we're on the same side...yes, we are.
one salty breakfast coming up (ummm, who am I kidding, with a jar of nutella and a spoon on the side, seriously).

It is a fair, even-handed, noble adjustment of things, that while there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good-humour.

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens